There are certain things in life that I've learned never to underestimate, one being the power of perspective. In the same way that an artist needs to step away from their work at times, in order to look at it anew with a fresh set of eyes, we need to step away from our lives at times and gain a bit of perspective. One of the best ways to do this, I've found, is to challenge myself to spend chunks of time in ways that I don't spend the majority of time, attempting to "disrupt" the patterns and behaviors I've fallen into, whether aware of them or not. It's like taking an ice cube that has spent its entire life in the freezer and putting it outside in the sun. In a very small amount of time, you begin to learn a lot about the properties of that ice cube, simply by placing it in a new environment under unusual conditions.
This weekend was a perspective weekend for me. I left my new life in Miami, habits and behaviors included, and hopped a plane to Philly. I spent the weekend at LaSalle University for the University Innovation Fellows Northeast Regional Meetup - on a campus I'd never been to with people I'd never met (except my brother, of course), doing things I'd never done and and seeing things I'd never seen - having conversations I'd never had and facing challenges I'd never anticipated. While most would just call it a "weekend trip", I would call it a "perspective weekend", because upon placing myself, similar to the ice cube, into a new environment under different conditions, I began very quickly to notice and learn things about myself that I wouldn't have if I'd spent the weekend in Miami reading books at the pool and undercooking my rice like I normally do.
There was a lot that I noticed right away, most of which was progress made on goals that I'd set a while back. In the face of an abrasive rain storm, having to be prepared to go onstage with my Stanford speech in 20 minutes, but knowing it'd be a 15 minute walk, I had 5 minute to create a game plan. I learned just how far I'd come in terms of my goal of being strategic, and just how far I'd come in my ability to laugh at life. Then, upon getting ready to leave and come back home, I'd noticed how much improvement I'd made on my goals of gratitude and thoughtfulness, almost instinctually looking for ways to reach out and thank the people that made my weekend what it was, something I formerly wouldn't have thought to do (yikes).
But of all the things I noticed or learned, one was absolutely major for me. I learned something very important about my relationship with feedback - with criticism. I could be wrong in thinking that what I discovered actually applies to many people, but I have a feeling it truly does. Thinking back to my freshman year, my RA had put a door dec on my door with a quote by Oprah Winfrey that said, "Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism." For a person like me - someone with obvious skin privilege and someone who's been part of many communities with irrefutably capable women - I haven't needed to access the power of this quote on many occasions. This weekend, however, as I stood in front of a room full of next-generation innovators, preaching on a theory that I'd recently come up with, I was brought back to this quote, and added, for myself, criticism to the list of -isms best deterred by excellence.
I presented a theory on how to integrate innovative ideas into a community of non-innovators using Myers Briggs as a strategic tool. It was cool topic - dense in thought and creative in construction. I was confident in the potential of the idea, though not convinced that this theory would convince everyone in my audience (and it didn't). This, I anticipated and was prepared for.
But of all the things I noticed or learned, one was absolutely major for me. I learned something very important about my relationship with feedback - with criticism. I could be wrong in thinking that what I discovered actually applies to many people, but I have a feeling it truly does. Thinking back to my freshman year, my RA had put a door dec on my door with a quote by Oprah Winfrey that said, "Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism." For a person like me - someone with obvious skin privilege and someone who's been part of many communities with irrefutably capable women - I haven't needed to access the power of this quote on many occasions. This weekend, however, as I stood in front of a room full of next-generation innovators, preaching on a theory that I'd recently come up with, I was brought back to this quote, and added, for myself, criticism to the list of -isms best deterred by excellence.
I presented a theory on how to integrate innovative ideas into a community of non-innovators using Myers Briggs as a strategic tool. It was cool topic - dense in thought and creative in construction. I was confident in the potential of the idea, though not convinced that this theory would convince everyone in my audience (and it didn't). This, I anticipated and was prepared for.
What I did not anticipate was the emotional disruption I felt upon receiving people feedback. I was extremely conscious about what people were saying about my theory, and I took it really personally. This was strange for me, as I typically welcome feedback - beg for it, even. I pushed myself to evaluate the differences between situations in which I responded well to feedback and this situation, and after some good, honest thought, I'd learned something about myself. (See? The power of perspective.)
I came to the realization that there is a direct relationship between how open I am to criticism and how confident I am in my work. The more confident I feel in what I've presented, the more open I am to feedback on it. And on the flip side, the less confident I am in my work, the more resistant I am to feedback. I realize now that this is a me-problem, not a quality or delivery of feedback issue. Something deep inside me despises feedback when I'm not confident in my work, simply because I feel as though I've enabled the conversation to take place, as though I've given people a reason to have things to criticize. Without realizing the pattern, I've spent all this time half dreading feedback and half begging for it, not noticing the clear distinction between the conditions that create those two alternate realities. I ask for feedback on my life because I feel I live it with excellence. I ask for feedback on my teamwork because I feel I contribute with excellence. I run from feedback on my weaknesses, I'm quickly learning, because I am aware of the excellence they lack, and it pains to me to feel that I've given life to feedback that wouldn't exist otherwise.
This is not to say that I don't see the value of feedback and this is not to say that I don't think quality feedback exists in the face of excellence - I do. This is simply to say that so much of what we claim to hate, resist, or run from is a reflection of ourselves. I am now aware of the importance of doing my best and investing my energy and capacity for excellence into all that I do. I believe it will result in a healthier and more transparent relationship with both criticism and excellence. I'm grateful to the room full of innovators who've unknowingly taught me this lesson, and to this wonderful weekend full of perspective. I encourage you to spend a chunk of time in a way you wouldn't typically spend it, putting yourself in environments and under conditions you wouldn't typically be in or under. You'll be surprised how much you'll notice and learn about yourself in a small period of time, and the ways in which these new themes may define entire chapters or the rest of your life.
FEEL GOOD MOMENTS OF THE WEEK
1. A teammate of mine and I have gotten obsessed with all things Hula Hoops. We learn hoop tricks and hula stunts between classes, bring them with us to Power Greeting every morning, and have plans to buy our own and hoop our way to birthday-ready-bodies by March. I never expected to cherish a cheap piece of plastic this much.
2. Despite having a marathon of a week, I had the privilege of writing a couple letters of recommendation for some friends who've been nominated for Bentley's highest student honor, Falcon Society. I am so proud of so many of these nominees and thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to reflect upon their impact on a campus and community that I hold so dearly.
3. While visiting LaSalle, I noticed a tattoo on the ankle of one of my brother's best friends. It was what I believe to be a Friday the 13th grave stone (creepy), but after a late night explosion of good conversation and creativity, it was transformed into a charming little milkshake tattoo. My brother didn't believe me when I said I'd make this moment one of my Feel Good Moments of the Week, so naturally, I had to.
I came to the realization that there is a direct relationship between how open I am to criticism and how confident I am in my work. The more confident I feel in what I've presented, the more open I am to feedback on it. And on the flip side, the less confident I am in my work, the more resistant I am to feedback. I realize now that this is a me-problem, not a quality or delivery of feedback issue. Something deep inside me despises feedback when I'm not confident in my work, simply because I feel as though I've enabled the conversation to take place, as though I've given people a reason to have things to criticize. Without realizing the pattern, I've spent all this time half dreading feedback and half begging for it, not noticing the clear distinction between the conditions that create those two alternate realities. I ask for feedback on my life because I feel I live it with excellence. I ask for feedback on my teamwork because I feel I contribute with excellence. I run from feedback on my weaknesses, I'm quickly learning, because I am aware of the excellence they lack, and it pains to me to feel that I've given life to feedback that wouldn't exist otherwise.
This is not to say that I don't see the value of feedback and this is not to say that I don't think quality feedback exists in the face of excellence - I do. This is simply to say that so much of what we claim to hate, resist, or run from is a reflection of ourselves. I am now aware of the importance of doing my best and investing my energy and capacity for excellence into all that I do. I believe it will result in a healthier and more transparent relationship with both criticism and excellence. I'm grateful to the room full of innovators who've unknowingly taught me this lesson, and to this wonderful weekend full of perspective. I encourage you to spend a chunk of time in a way you wouldn't typically spend it, putting yourself in environments and under conditions you wouldn't typically be in or under. You'll be surprised how much you'll notice and learn about yourself in a small period of time, and the ways in which these new themes may define entire chapters or the rest of your life.
FEEL GOOD MOMENTS OF THE WEEK
1. A teammate of mine and I have gotten obsessed with all things Hula Hoops. We learn hoop tricks and hula stunts between classes, bring them with us to Power Greeting every morning, and have plans to buy our own and hoop our way to birthday-ready-bodies by March. I never expected to cherish a cheap piece of plastic this much.
2. Despite having a marathon of a week, I had the privilege of writing a couple letters of recommendation for some friends who've been nominated for Bentley's highest student honor, Falcon Society. I am so proud of so many of these nominees and thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to reflect upon their impact on a campus and community that I hold so dearly.
3. While visiting LaSalle, I noticed a tattoo on the ankle of one of my brother's best friends. It was what I believe to be a Friday the 13th grave stone (creepy), but after a late night explosion of good conversation and creativity, it was transformed into a charming little milkshake tattoo. My brother didn't believe me when I said I'd make this moment one of my Feel Good Moments of the Week, so naturally, I had to.
4. This past week at my middle school, we had a crazy day where a hundred kids went on a field trip and dozens of kids had assemblies and nothing was working as it should've been, so we had do a bit of improv. All different decision were made as to where to put students and what to have them doing, my team and I mixed up in the middle of it, but I had the privilege of sitting in on one of the solutions to our problem - a Restorative Justice Circle that took place in the school's auditorium that afternoon. A wise and quick-witted woman from the district came in to conduct this powerful program in which students are arranged in a circle, much like the one featured below, and through careful construction of trust and safe spaces, share out about their lives. The circles focus on the social-emotional well-being of these young kids and are mind-blowing to watch in action. We heard stories that would break your heart, friendships formed that would warm your heart, and an hour's worth of proof that there's hope for these students and their futures.
5. All week long, as if everyone got the same memo, I had dozens of people texting me and telling me, without prompt, all about how great my brother and sister are. People regard my sister as wise beyond her years, compassionate beyond compare, and fearless in a way that inspires those around her, even those older than her. People regard my brother as motivated, driven, energetic, focused, and smart smart smart. I'm honored to call these two VIPs my little siblings, and to have a week's worth of reminders as to why.
Tune in next week to learn all about my 3 new roommates and see what type of excellence I've tried to create with my week. In the meantime, I'll be here trying to gain perspective, and like the ice cube, hanging outside, soaking up sun. Thanks for reading! Make it a great week.
Tune in next week to learn all about my 3 new roommates and see what type of excellence I've tried to create with my week. In the meantime, I'll be here trying to gain perspective, and like the ice cube, hanging outside, soaking up sun. Thanks for reading! Make it a great week.