There's a concept I've been so super stuck on for the last week and a half and I feel an overwhelming inclination to share it. I've converted all that is jumbled up in my brain into a diagram that the average person should hopefully be able to understand. This to me, is the circle of life. If not the circle of all life, at least the circle of my life, and a decent chance the circle of your life too.
I've been through this all before, a countless number of times, and though the circumstances are always different, the cycle is always the same. Life gets tough. Things aren't going as planned. New challenges have been presented. Nothing is simple anymore (1). Toughness is a great teacher; teaches you something valuable (2). What you've learned gives you insight into building a better future. You make some changes, keep some new lessons in mind and proceed in a better way (3). Oh wow, it worked! Life has improved tremendously. You proceed with the feeling that you've mastered life and that you can only go up from here (4). Life wants to make sure you realize that you've mastered but one aspect of life, not life itself, so it throws a humbling experience directly in your path (5). You're humbled to the fact that you have so much more to learn (6), and soon enough, life gets tough again (1), but not in a way that overrides the progress you've just made over the course of the last cycle.
I love this diagram. Most people think that the goal is to spend as much time as possible up there in the 4th phase where life is good and you're good at life. But I'm tempted to really think the opposite; to believe that the goal here should be a never-ending open-mindedness to this cycle and the impact that it has on your life. Instead of having to simply state "I'm not in phase four, life is not good and I'm not good at life", I found it liberating and constructive to, instead, look at this diagram with a certain confidence and say, "This is the cycle. I know where I am in it. No one phase is less valuable than the next, therefore, I am in a good place."
If you read my last post, then you know just as well as I do that I was smack dab at the beginning of this cycle. More the "thrilling" or "energizing" or "fun", I would've described life as "hard". I spent a long, agonizing month in that phase, but never without the peace of knowing that this was merely a part of the cycle. I knew that valuable lessons would come next, and they have, and they still are. I'm knees deep in phase two right now and have learned some incredible things about myself and my situation. I'll share my Top 5 Takeaways and illustrate how they've already improved my situation.
1/ IMMERSION CREATES CHANGE
I had lots of wants - I wanted to do something with my creativity, I wanted to become a yogi, I wanted to start a food truck, I wanted to become fluent in multiple languages, I wanted to write books, collect cool things, master photoshop, learn to like avocados, figure out pancake art, make a couple of murals and on and on and on. Thanks to a wonderful book called The Power of Habit (you should definitely read it), I was able to make a change. I stopped using things like my Instagram account for mind-numbing and empty social interaction and now use it only to follow accounts pertaining to the person I want to be. This new strategy has these goals constantly in the forefront of my mind, constantly exploring new experts to learn from, and new connections to build. Now my timeline is full of this:
I love this diagram. Most people think that the goal is to spend as much time as possible up there in the 4th phase where life is good and you're good at life. But I'm tempted to really think the opposite; to believe that the goal here should be a never-ending open-mindedness to this cycle and the impact that it has on your life. Instead of having to simply state "I'm not in phase four, life is not good and I'm not good at life", I found it liberating and constructive to, instead, look at this diagram with a certain confidence and say, "This is the cycle. I know where I am in it. No one phase is less valuable than the next, therefore, I am in a good place."
If you read my last post, then you know just as well as I do that I was smack dab at the beginning of this cycle. More the "thrilling" or "energizing" or "fun", I would've described life as "hard". I spent a long, agonizing month in that phase, but never without the peace of knowing that this was merely a part of the cycle. I knew that valuable lessons would come next, and they have, and they still are. I'm knees deep in phase two right now and have learned some incredible things about myself and my situation. I'll share my Top 5 Takeaways and illustrate how they've already improved my situation.
1/ IMMERSION CREATES CHANGE
I had lots of wants - I wanted to do something with my creativity, I wanted to become a yogi, I wanted to start a food truck, I wanted to become fluent in multiple languages, I wanted to write books, collect cool things, master photoshop, learn to like avocados, figure out pancake art, make a couple of murals and on and on and on. Thanks to a wonderful book called The Power of Habit (you should definitely read it), I was able to make a change. I stopped using things like my Instagram account for mind-numbing and empty social interaction and now use it only to follow accounts pertaining to the person I want to be. This new strategy has these goals constantly in the forefront of my mind, constantly exploring new experts to learn from, and new connections to build. Now my timeline is full of this:
2/ ASSUMPTIONS ARE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES
Assumptions are far more dangerous than I've considered them to be in the past. A fellow barista, probably 65 years old, dropped a comment the other day about the average Starbucks employee being an "underachiever and everyone thinks it." I paid attention that day to what the customers seemed to think of us, and behavior on their end reinforced what she had said. A few days later, however, a moderately older woman came in, fabulously dressed and commanding the room with her presence. She struck up a conversation with me as though we were equals, asking me about my life, where I'd been and where I was going, never once looking at me as an extension of where I was. Though I barely know her, she is perhaps the smartest person I know, refusing to see people for anything other than all they could be and probably are beneath what is readily apparent. Now that I think about it, I'm blown away by the value we pass up and opportunities we miss simply by assuming that people are where they're at in life.
3/ STRIVE TO STAY ENERGIZED
A dear friend of mine sent me a message this week on Facebook that said "I have never once heard you say that you're tired. What's your secret?" To be honest, I never considered it a secret until she got me thinking about how many people are actually always tired, and how I actually never use that word to describe my state of being. My answer to her, and my realization in that moment, was this: I stay energized; and not in the form of a diet rich in protein. I invest time & resources in the things & people that energize me, and avoid, at all costs, the things that drain me of the energy that I know I'm capable of having. For example, Christmas energizes me. I've already started hoarding rolls and rolls of wrapping paper that I don't need and planning which truffles I'll be selling this season. Ideas energize me. I keep my walls covered in sticky notes and conversations dense in ideas. Solid strategy energizes me. I limit my TV watching to strategy shows like Survivor and strategize my way through the everyday tasks of life. I'm in tune with what drains me and what fuels me, infuse one and ignore the other, and still to this day, am constantly impressed by how "tired" I never feel. Even a night with just 4 hours of sleep has nothing on a day full of people/activities that energize you.
Assumptions are far more dangerous than I've considered them to be in the past. A fellow barista, probably 65 years old, dropped a comment the other day about the average Starbucks employee being an "underachiever and everyone thinks it." I paid attention that day to what the customers seemed to think of us, and behavior on their end reinforced what she had said. A few days later, however, a moderately older woman came in, fabulously dressed and commanding the room with her presence. She struck up a conversation with me as though we were equals, asking me about my life, where I'd been and where I was going, never once looking at me as an extension of where I was. Though I barely know her, she is perhaps the smartest person I know, refusing to see people for anything other than all they could be and probably are beneath what is readily apparent. Now that I think about it, I'm blown away by the value we pass up and opportunities we miss simply by assuming that people are where they're at in life.
3/ STRIVE TO STAY ENERGIZED
A dear friend of mine sent me a message this week on Facebook that said "I have never once heard you say that you're tired. What's your secret?" To be honest, I never considered it a secret until she got me thinking about how many people are actually always tired, and how I actually never use that word to describe my state of being. My answer to her, and my realization in that moment, was this: I stay energized; and not in the form of a diet rich in protein. I invest time & resources in the things & people that energize me, and avoid, at all costs, the things that drain me of the energy that I know I'm capable of having. For example, Christmas energizes me. I've already started hoarding rolls and rolls of wrapping paper that I don't need and planning which truffles I'll be selling this season. Ideas energize me. I keep my walls covered in sticky notes and conversations dense in ideas. Solid strategy energizes me. I limit my TV watching to strategy shows like Survivor and strategize my way through the everyday tasks of life. I'm in tune with what drains me and what fuels me, infuse one and ignore the other, and still to this day, am constantly impressed by how "tired" I never feel. Even a night with just 4 hours of sleep has nothing on a day full of people/activities that energize you.
4/ EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT I'M GOOD AT
It's really quite easy to figure out what you're good at - easier than I realized. All I had to do was move away from an environment full of people who valued me and then wait to see what they call on me for. I graduated from Bentley and then paid extra careful attention as to why people reached out to me. The majority of the calls are in regards to needing a fresh perspective, a new strategy, creative thinking, big ideas, life advice, and as expected, answers to everyone's many Myers Briggs questions.
5/ REACH GOALS ARE KEY
For a while now, the goals I've been setting have been wimpy and all too easy to achieve. Washing a load of laundry is barely a goal. Drinking a few glasses of water each day is barely a goal. These are more like tasks; tasks that I can next-to-effortlessly achieve with the resources that I already have. A mentor of mine says that a true challenge is unlikely, but not unattainable, and I agree. For this reason, I've been setting goals within those bounds. I've been e-mailing well-established and well-known people in attempts of gaining their mentorship. Some have answered, some have not. I've also, for example, been designing large scale projects for myself that are kind of ambitious, ex. massive (and I mean massive) replica of the Starbucks logo made from syrup bottle caps collected while on the job at Starbucks, or a crocheted blanket in which I actually count stitches, care about the outcome, and don't quit half way through because it's screwed up. I'm starting small (with a scarf). I'm learning that when I marry an idea that energizes me with a goal that is quite a stretch, my sense of having something to look forward to is sustained for much longer periods of time. A challenge that you're actually into is a highly productive addition to your life.
I'd like to say by next week I'll be on Phase 3 of the diagram above, but I have a feeling I still have a lot more to learn. Don't we all?
It's really quite easy to figure out what you're good at - easier than I realized. All I had to do was move away from an environment full of people who valued me and then wait to see what they call on me for. I graduated from Bentley and then paid extra careful attention as to why people reached out to me. The majority of the calls are in regards to needing a fresh perspective, a new strategy, creative thinking, big ideas, life advice, and as expected, answers to everyone's many Myers Briggs questions.
5/ REACH GOALS ARE KEY
For a while now, the goals I've been setting have been wimpy and all too easy to achieve. Washing a load of laundry is barely a goal. Drinking a few glasses of water each day is barely a goal. These are more like tasks; tasks that I can next-to-effortlessly achieve with the resources that I already have. A mentor of mine says that a true challenge is unlikely, but not unattainable, and I agree. For this reason, I've been setting goals within those bounds. I've been e-mailing well-established and well-known people in attempts of gaining their mentorship. Some have answered, some have not. I've also, for example, been designing large scale projects for myself that are kind of ambitious, ex. massive (and I mean massive) replica of the Starbucks logo made from syrup bottle caps collected while on the job at Starbucks, or a crocheted blanket in which I actually count stitches, care about the outcome, and don't quit half way through because it's screwed up. I'm starting small (with a scarf). I'm learning that when I marry an idea that energizes me with a goal that is quite a stretch, my sense of having something to look forward to is sustained for much longer periods of time. A challenge that you're actually into is a highly productive addition to your life.
I'd like to say by next week I'll be on Phase 3 of the diagram above, but I have a feeling I still have a lot more to learn. Don't we all?
FEEL GOOD MOMENTS OF THE WEEK
Tune in next week to see where my new and improved life has taken me. In the meantime, stay energized, set some reach goals, avoid assumptions, and immerse yourself in the people who are relevant to the person you want to become. Thanks for reading!
- Roommate #1 and I went to a random Starbucks to get some work done and even though I spend hours and hours a day there, it was a fascinating experience. I met quite a few interesting people, found commonalities with strangers that overheard our conversation, and even met some of the baristas I'll be working with on Christmas morning. But perhaps the best moment was when a 70+ year old woman wearing gray, head to toe, looked over at me, also wearing gray head to toe, and proclaimed charismatically "Hey... I like your jumpsuit!" to which I replied "We call 'em 'groutfits' now! I like yours too."
- Took a bus home to NY for less than 20 hours to attend a surprise birthday party for one of my lovely aunts. Enjoyed a wonderful breakfast the following day with my mom, sister, and two of my cousins that I find utterly brilliant. One has inspired me from a young age to think creatively, push boundaries, see opportunities, and live life differently. Every time I do, I think of him. The other has that same streak in him. Only 13 years old, we sat at the table over Belgium waffles listening to how he "refinanced his John Deere tractor" to "be where the business is", which, in Upstate NY, is a snow plow. The kid is such an impressive self-made entrepreneur and uses his money pretty much only to reinvest in his business or to give to local charities that need the financial support. We call him "The Next Bill Gates", and I believe it. (And for all of you out there that hate on Albany, please take note: it's actually quite beautiful. See below.)
- Finally got to catch up with my Colombian host mom and sister! We enjoyed a nice, casual pizza dinner in an apartment MUCH warmer than mine and some good, through rocky (my spanish isn't amazing) conversation.
- Spoke at that DSP Professional Event that I'd previously mentioned. Didn't go as planned because I was presenting on an idea that I'd barely even flushed out. I was bummed that it wasn't seamless and highly impactful, but at the same time, encouraged, thinking about all the brilliant people (Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Thomas Edison,) who likely stood in front of crowds full of confused/disinterested faces just a few years before they'd changed the world forever.
- After a tough day at work, I showed up to my night-time shift of work and to my surprise, my first two customers were some of the best: "The Courtneys from Bentley" who inherited my beloved Cape House and kept its magic alive. Smaller world than I realized, the knew some of my co-workers who'd they'd coached in Corporate Social Responsibility way back in high school. It was a fun little spirit-lifting reunion.
Tune in next week to see where my new and improved life has taken me. In the meantime, stay energized, set some reach goals, avoid assumptions, and immerse yourself in the people who are relevant to the person you want to become. Thanks for reading!