I absolutely love being around when ordinary people say extraordinary things. And even more so, I love when these same people have no idea that what they just said was mind-blowingly brilliant. This post is a not only a testimony, but also a note of gratitude, to two ordinary people who've changed my life in extraordinary ways this week.
Out to dinner the other night, a co-worker and I were discussing the obstacles in life that we just can't seem to get past. Between bites of his bacon-stuffed burger, he muttered an insanely simple yet shockingly smart statement; "You're only as sick as your secrets, Halle". He took a bite while I took a moment. I was blown away.
I'd never before considered the connection between how little I reveal and how much power I forfeit. In that very moment, I searched my soul for the secrets it held, digging up at least a dozen inner-realities; realities that I'd never given words to, never fully surfaced, never shared with anyone - and one by one, verified that these so-called "secrets" were indeed exactly what were keeping me "sick".
I've been working hard to surface these secrets, give them words and an outer-reality, taking back the power that I'd previously handed over to their hidden nature. One secret in particular pertains to this post-grad puzzle of mine, and crazily enough, to all of you reading this. Here it is:
I've always been told that I "have a way with words", but words, for me, are a handicap. I use words to construct "safe zones" for myself - areas in which I've hidden the scrambled details of my life beneath a well-crafted and cleverly-put story. I brand these stories with inventive titles (ex. Post-Grad Puzzle) and serve them up to those around me in a way that's just idealistic and entertaining enough to push away the possibility of tough questions or truthful feedback. To put it shortly, I purposely talk about my reality in a way that people won't poke holes in it.
And while it feels wonderful to have people tell me that I'm right, tell me that I'm great, point out my strengths and commend all that I'm doing, deep down inside I have an intense longing to be invalidated - to have holes poked in my stories and to be knocked down a few notches. I know exactly who the hole-pokers are in my life (ex. My mentor Justin Woodard, my Uncle Dan Maggs, and my former Internship Coordinator @ EggStrategy Katia Gamze) because my instincts tell me to give it to them cut and dry as opposed to crafted and clever, and because my experiences tell me that in their mind, I'll have spoken a lot but not truly said much at all.
Every once in a while, I serve up a story to someone I didn't forecast to be a hole-poker, and while my guard is down, they pummel my perspective into the ground, pointing out how it isn't the least bit built on principle. The second ordinary person that I mentioned above did exactly that, with one tiny yet potent question.
"So, you're disregarding the adventure that resides within Corporate America?"
While it was technically a question, it felt like a statement in disguise. He was actually saying, "So... you're disregarding all the adventure that resides within Corporate America." In my mind, I swapped out "adventure" for "opportunity" and then for "potential" and then for "chaos" and for all the other keywords that I claim to be searching for. And sitting there in a little dorm room, it dawned on me. He was right.
Bentley was a "world" in and of itself; a world set up to create successful people in specific ways. I wanted nothing to do with that definition of success, but I managed to extract a different type of value from that same world. I never said "Nah, I'll pass" to Bentley just because it wasn't about what I was about, yet if we make a direct comparison, that's what I'm foolishly doing right now. Corporate America, similar to Bentley, is a world set up to create successful people in specific ways. I want nothing to do with that definition of success either, but I'd be wasting immense amounts of potential, opportunity, adventure, etc. by boycotting Corporate America on the mere premise that it doesn't seem to be about what I'm about. So, as a result of this one tiny, yet life-changing question, I'm humbly changing my mind; changing my goal.
I realize now that my true goal is not to Avoid Corporate America, but rather to never even so much as consider sacrificing the unconventionality with which I live my life. With this refined and informed goal, I'm actually opening myself and my future up to more opportunities than I was previously. With this goal, I can feel good about submitting an application to work for Kickstarter minutes after applying to be on Survivor. I can feel good about responding to the hundreds of LinkedIn messages I'd never considered responding to after hitting up quirky artists' Instagram feeds for hours. I can finally stop feeling like I need to find the right world to live in, and start feeling instead like I need to focus on my ability to extract value from each temporary world I take up residence in.
I'm proud to say I didn't make the decision to change my goal simply because my bills were hard to pay or I couldn't handle the gray. This is another trial and error, and hopefully, a better strategy than the one I've been trying out recently. Again, no clue where I'm headed, but I guess we'll all find out, eh?
Have a nice weekend, everyone. Life is an adventure!
Out to dinner the other night, a co-worker and I were discussing the obstacles in life that we just can't seem to get past. Between bites of his bacon-stuffed burger, he muttered an insanely simple yet shockingly smart statement; "You're only as sick as your secrets, Halle". He took a bite while I took a moment. I was blown away.
I'd never before considered the connection between how little I reveal and how much power I forfeit. In that very moment, I searched my soul for the secrets it held, digging up at least a dozen inner-realities; realities that I'd never given words to, never fully surfaced, never shared with anyone - and one by one, verified that these so-called "secrets" were indeed exactly what were keeping me "sick".
I've been working hard to surface these secrets, give them words and an outer-reality, taking back the power that I'd previously handed over to their hidden nature. One secret in particular pertains to this post-grad puzzle of mine, and crazily enough, to all of you reading this. Here it is:
I've always been told that I "have a way with words", but words, for me, are a handicap. I use words to construct "safe zones" for myself - areas in which I've hidden the scrambled details of my life beneath a well-crafted and cleverly-put story. I brand these stories with inventive titles (ex. Post-Grad Puzzle) and serve them up to those around me in a way that's just idealistic and entertaining enough to push away the possibility of tough questions or truthful feedback. To put it shortly, I purposely talk about my reality in a way that people won't poke holes in it.
And while it feels wonderful to have people tell me that I'm right, tell me that I'm great, point out my strengths and commend all that I'm doing, deep down inside I have an intense longing to be invalidated - to have holes poked in my stories and to be knocked down a few notches. I know exactly who the hole-pokers are in my life (ex. My mentor Justin Woodard, my Uncle Dan Maggs, and my former Internship Coordinator @ EggStrategy Katia Gamze) because my instincts tell me to give it to them cut and dry as opposed to crafted and clever, and because my experiences tell me that in their mind, I'll have spoken a lot but not truly said much at all.
Every once in a while, I serve up a story to someone I didn't forecast to be a hole-poker, and while my guard is down, they pummel my perspective into the ground, pointing out how it isn't the least bit built on principle. The second ordinary person that I mentioned above did exactly that, with one tiny yet potent question.
"So, you're disregarding the adventure that resides within Corporate America?"
While it was technically a question, it felt like a statement in disguise. He was actually saying, "So... you're disregarding all the adventure that resides within Corporate America." In my mind, I swapped out "adventure" for "opportunity" and then for "potential" and then for "chaos" and for all the other keywords that I claim to be searching for. And sitting there in a little dorm room, it dawned on me. He was right.
Bentley was a "world" in and of itself; a world set up to create successful people in specific ways. I wanted nothing to do with that definition of success, but I managed to extract a different type of value from that same world. I never said "Nah, I'll pass" to Bentley just because it wasn't about what I was about, yet if we make a direct comparison, that's what I'm foolishly doing right now. Corporate America, similar to Bentley, is a world set up to create successful people in specific ways. I want nothing to do with that definition of success either, but I'd be wasting immense amounts of potential, opportunity, adventure, etc. by boycotting Corporate America on the mere premise that it doesn't seem to be about what I'm about. So, as a result of this one tiny, yet life-changing question, I'm humbly changing my mind; changing my goal.
I realize now that my true goal is not to Avoid Corporate America, but rather to never even so much as consider sacrificing the unconventionality with which I live my life. With this refined and informed goal, I'm actually opening myself and my future up to more opportunities than I was previously. With this goal, I can feel good about submitting an application to work for Kickstarter minutes after applying to be on Survivor. I can feel good about responding to the hundreds of LinkedIn messages I'd never considered responding to after hitting up quirky artists' Instagram feeds for hours. I can finally stop feeling like I need to find the right world to live in, and start feeling instead like I need to focus on my ability to extract value from each temporary world I take up residence in.
I'm proud to say I didn't make the decision to change my goal simply because my bills were hard to pay or I couldn't handle the gray. This is another trial and error, and hopefully, a better strategy than the one I've been trying out recently. Again, no clue where I'm headed, but I guess we'll all find out, eh?
Have a nice weekend, everyone. Life is an adventure!